Do you suffer every month? Could you just hide in your bed for a few days every month.
Do you get bloated? Have massive cramps and pass clots? Do you get headaches constantly. Irritable and grouchy a few weeks every month? Did it get worse after each pregnancy?
Well this is me every month. My family cant live with me and to be honest I cant live with myself like this. My body was made to provide this earth with babies. I get pregnant very easily and I give birth to big babies very easily. So it seems when my body goes for too long between babies it gets upset. And it makes me upset. I thought I was going crazy after baby number three? Baby number four scared the crap out of me. And now two and half years after baby number four I am totally crazy and making my family crazy.
I didnt want any more kids really after number three. I knew I wanted three. Simon knew he wanted two. And he knew he didnt want them as early as we did. But I always knew I wanted them from a very early age. And early we started. But the thought of not being able to have any more kids was a little to much for me to handle. So Simon was very happy after baby number three to take that decision out of my hands an into his. The doctors however were not so happy to take care of Simon. We were to young they said to medically do anything. So we waited three years after number three and through a very rough time in our marriage and Simon had a vasectomy.
Well Gods ways and plans are much stronger then ours and when he has a plan for someone even man's ways will not stop Gods. Baby four was meant to be ours and when number three was six we had number four. Our family is fully complete. To full at times. The life is sucked out of me daily. I am exhausted and cranky all the time. I was so good for the year after Daniel was born. I thought I had finally beaten this depression thing. But once my period came back life became hell on earth again. Finally after trying way to many different medical procedures to stop my periods and stop my pain the doctors now realize that nothing is going to stop my pain.
Tomorrow I go in and have the inside of my uterus ripped out in a new procedure that gives me a 90% chance of never having another period again and if this ends up not working the next step in a radical hysterectomy. The doctors keep telling me that most women come out of this surgery and become a different woman. Depression, fatigue, crankiness, pain, and bloating is all gone. I am so looking forward to this surgery.
The sad part is saying goodye to my baby making parts. While I know I could never deal with having any more kids and I dont want any more kids. The difference between cant have and wont have is an emotional one for me. And I am a little nervous about tomorrow. My biggest fear is that nothing will change and that my problems are not going to be so easy to solve. Stay tuned!
